two days of blue water ruined by me. the bike coming along well, good projects. new, old music, john e. smoke. managed to ski the spruce loop yesterday without too much trouble, good snow, lots of it. the trail was perfect singletrack with snow. touring is really good right now, perfect snow. gliding thru the trees, watching out for the dogs, silent sports. life is good



i didn't do the ride i wanted to yesterday, the wind was a bit more than i felt like dealing with. i still managed an hour on the bike for the day, considering the weather and the traffic, not bad. town is stupid crowded, i didn't get hit, that was my victory yesterday. colder today, roads a lot more icy, overnight scraping/plowing made the ice come out. next week rollers start, two hours or so a week, maybe fixed.



the goal is 90 minutes a day, if i can somehow get there i know i'll have road legs. i really miss road racing. maybe i'll treat myself to a new set of wheels, that'd be nice. the long days will start soon, can't wait. 5 hours in the saddle, good stuff for sure. the graupel really hurt today, should have worn the balaclava but it wasn't that cold, that's why there was graupel. the icy roads didn't give me any trouble, opposite of the last few days. it felt good to ride. driving yesterday was the only option so i could get to the nordic center, the snow was pretty good in the trees but out in the open pretty bad, it was over 35 degrees, that didn't help.



i don't need all of the answers, i work to get a few, but in the end the effort is worth more than the result. putting together the troubles into a cohesive mix that figures itself out. rolling isn't always a better result, but it sure can help to get the bugs out. looking for the keys will not stop, there's always one more little battle, one more little valley to get across. riding the straightest line isn't always fastest, take the smoother way around. it's more fun and less worrisome.



here's a story
worth reading, lots of dedication to surf in oregon, pretty cold water.



happy festivus all you muthers. no more than that to offer. we skiied today up humbug across to lincoln meadow, rough doing part of a firecracker loop backwards on snow. humbug sucked. can't forget to enjoy the time off. f-'em. the party last friday hasn't left my mind. tco too drunk to remember showing camera phone pics. not really offending anyone. lots of wine and beer but no pbr in the house, maybe a festivus present in the form of a suitcase of it tonight? hint hint. b liked all that he got, the happiest was an old-fashioned track for little toy cars to roll down. kind of like the marble slide i had as a kid that gave me endless hours of entertainment.



it felt really good to rant last night. i got it out. i think in some way i was rewarded with a few inches of fresh to ride thru, what a great little commute, 30 minutes on the bike gliding silently thru the fresh snow before the plows and cars cut it up. amazing how well a bike will go thru that stuff when it's fresh and uncut. my own pace for the trip getting out of the house before 5 helped make the ride slower but more deliberate, no hurry to get down to town and no hurry gliding the back streets and alleys. headphones going and the warmer temps (15-20 degrees) allowed me to just waer a hat under the helmet and not the full balaclava. i even had a bearclaw, life has it's own small rewards, you don't need overblown holiday fanfare. this story from john henry faulk was played for years on NPR around xmas. i always listened to the whole thing and appreciated the written as well as the spoken bits of it. give it a listen.


cross not gone yet

i'm still angry about nationals. i can't stop thinking about it, the fact that i wasn't allowed to go. nats were going to be on my kind of course. a bit of snow and lots of cold over frozen cambers. why the fat bitches upstairs were so against it i don't know, i never got a straight answer, what the fuck? i have been sitting on the rage i feel for a few weeks now. reluctant because i need my job for the insurance. the money is shit, but the insurance is good. i don't want to get pissed off and tell the corpulent ones to fuck themselves. then i lose my job, and we are the ones getting fucked.


windblown and not very chilly snow made the skiing tonight crappy. i tried to get a rhythm but being my second day i didn't really have much to offer. blue water was the good thing on the day, too much holiday crap to eat though. i avoided most of the cookies and other junk but it just finds its way into the hand that leads to the mouth. i really am trying to like the holidays a bit more than i used to, i just don't enjoy the excess. i hate feeling this way. tomorrow i'll get out on the single for a while, try to ride a bit without seeing many cars, maybe hit up the trails that get ski traffic.



wesley willis
his stuff is very good. if you are not familiar with wesley willis he is one you should know about. his bio
is not your average "never made it big" story


the pieces fit. i see how the jigsaw isn't too complicated, flow can get it all done. riding along the roads allows the time to put the pieces in the right place. each chilly hour earns that extra bit of power. skiing is different, that has a separate flow. no more work to put the pieces away, just a variation on the original. getting close to the solstice (today?) it's pretty dark right now, i feel the turn coming, more to ski afterwork without a headlamp and more time to get it done.



i seem to hide in plain sight on the bike. the cars really don't see, they look right thru. a flasher on the front all the time? flasher in the back too? i wonder how much time is on the clock. is that bumper with my name on it closer?

cold roads

out of the frozen tundra for a day or two, road bike over the chilly prairie for a while. my state championship is already a distant memory, the cold weather i ride thru motivated plenty, last season is over the next one began at the nordic center and in the gym last week. it felt good to start the winter penance. the icy roads made me want to have the fixy for better traction instead of rolling the 23mm tires soft for traction. found some dirt roads to ride across, good work for that on the farm roads of what's left of the agri-business around here. houses are more profitable than corn. aaaahhhh suburbia. it makes for good roads ooccasionally, and the quiet farm tracks are always fun on the road bike.


first day

got out to the nordic center today, fresh snow falling and a fair bit already on the ground. somehow i managed to ski pretty well, the v2 was rolling well, still tired and out of ski shape but motivated for more. quietly gliding thru the trees and feeling the soft edges of my skis glide felt like a new season was mine.


i meant to look it up last night but the star in the southwestern sky was unreal last night. it might be a planet or maybe it's a comet on a collision course for earth. that would be bad. nordic center today, let's see if the v2 i worked on all last winter went away over the cycling season. maybe i'll be able to ski like i mean it, instead of being the sissy i normally am on the skinnies, i wonder if high end work in december and january is a good thing or not? the trails are there, the bike isn't the safest thing right now, town is too full with idiots.



mitts and balaclava today, i guess about -10 f. whatver the bike felt good even though we aren't riding IGSSC tonight, another year missed. 5.30am from the city is too early. blue water at about 8.15 brightened an already decent day, then the full house with the numbers cemented a decent afternoon. two sevens and three nines.


i notice it on the rare occasion that i walk the grocery store alone, the nicotine stained hands and the rotting from the inside out, is that rust? it's in most of the junk foo aisles. i see and smell it all over, less pronounced in the mountains but overall pretty prevalent. rarely in whole foods, the cross section there is thinner. i like to wonder what it is, is it there all the time and we don't notice it? or are the days infrequent that it's around? if i spent anytime in big cities i'd look for it there. neglecting the good in favor of other goals and destinations.


fox news ran a story (i don't watch fox news, i saw it on the daily show) about how there is a war on xmas, bill o'reilly being the nazi that he is, blamed jon stewart. fitting. what a joke, 24 hour news manufactures stories to keep the cycle going, even to the extent of picking fights with fake news programs. is the denver post going to say that the onion is hurting football because they ran a (fake) story on the proliferation of drugs in football?



not enough coffee today at home. i tried to go get some more to brew but petal and bean was closed. bummer. the season i guess started today, i went to the gym to do core stuff. it felt pretty good to get in the work. now i need to start getting the four and five hour days to build up the foundation, i love base. more snow today, nordic later this week, that'll hurt.


more big music

last night we listened to husker du and the misfits with b, we danced around the house and he made his dad proud, seeing a 2.5 year old dance happily to "new day rising," "teenagers from mars" and "we are 138" made me very happy. for some reason he gives us plastic cookie cutters and a train to run around and dance with, b makes sure we are prepared. these are very big songs to b and me, shaubie enjoys seeing her boys dance.



i think my break is over, i'll start today, i didn't really sleep that well last night, i'm over the cold that b and i were sharing. i guess i'm rested, i'll get on the bike as soon as possible, maybe ride the single over the tundra a bit to get in some slow work. hit the nordic center tomorrow morning for an easy ski. do i remember how to ski? javasport, any ideas or input?



another day at home with b, his cold is now our cold, not too bad, he's feeling better i'm feeling a bit worse, no big deal. happened upon a very well run webpage, check it out: race clean
one of those get your head out of the sand pages that makes you read more and more and see what is going on out there, if you don't care about the problem, you should, they seem to offer a fair bit of speculation on who is dirty and who is not. take it at face value, i do agree with the rant on amgen however, why they would sponsor a cycling race i have no idea, their product is already so abused in the sport, why push it in the face of the clean riders? poor taste for sure. i look at my spam box every few days and marvel at the number of offers i get for hgh, endurance athlete's viagra? read up on this product and it gets scary, cancer causing, and degenerative to the tissue it is supposed to help in the long run. i hope the young riders out there are getting the message, stay clean.


bathroom humor

i know this isn't the classiest bit but i guess if your comedic tastes were that way you certainly wouldn't read my blog.

denver post

cool article in the denver post with a bit of an interview with me from saturday's race. (click on the title that reads denver post)


they aren't full ocd, yet. but sometimes i get to the point where it feels like i'm getting close. after i showered last night i'd run around the house cleaning a bit and put some stuff in the basement, i'd worked up a very light sweat. my legs were the tiniest bit sticky. i couldn't sleep, whenever they were together it would keep me from getting a chance to fall asleep. i had to get up and find some pjs to cover them. i really like to wash my hands and i never put them anywhere near my mouth, the concept of the germs that are everywhere gives me shivers but i'm not going thru bars of soap and rolls of towels, yet. i feel a balance sometimes, i'm getting on with my day while observing certain rules i set up to keep it all in order. i like that. i heard it was minus 11 today, i put my shoes near the boiler last night before bed, that kept my feet warm the first 20 minutes of the trip. i was able to get across without too much hassle, the cross bike still feels great, i don't want to hang it up, but the single will have the mitts on there after today and the idea of warm hands is pretty appealing, the lobster paws did just a touch beyond nothing in the chill today. i've been drooling over the new craft catalog, seeing what bits i can justify to myself to keep the frost out this winter. i need some new stuff anyway, maybe the guy who gave me the pro deal a few years ago is still there and will let me outfit myself in full nordic gear for the winter? i hate being cold but really enjoy being out in the cold. no choice up here, i'd really be a shut-in if i couldn't get outside in the cold.


states pics

check out joe's site to see lots of pics from the races, it's the link in the post title. check out joe's site to see lots of pics from the races, it's the link in the post title.



i just polished off a whole container of grands cinnamon rolls, 8 servings at 150 calories per serving, mmmmmm 1200 calories for breakfast. i love the off season. starting it off right, maybe hot wings later on today.


now it's over unless i hit the lottery and go to masters worlds in january in mol, belgium. pretty hectic morning to get down there in time, work till 8, load up and get out in the snow to drive to a cross race too far away to really figure out when we'd arrive. 8 inches on the overnight made the driving more like snow mobiling in a truck. darren drove so i didn't have to worry about that. got there in time to ride a few laps on the b bike in the mud and frozen tundra. the snow they got down there had sort-of melted into a sloppy on top but frozen underneath that made high speeds less than ideal. i started like an idiot, karl and i dropped the field on the first two minutes of the race and we had twenty seconds by the half lap mark, he had already taken advantage of my start pace and attacked me to get a gap, that was about it for the rest of the field. karl and i off alone except i couldn't close him down, his lead grew to about 30 seconds with me riding trying to close it down and not make a mess of the whole thing (like i already thought i had.) starting that hard wasn't necessary, it was going to shake out anyway the way it did, bummer i was dumb. a fast handling course was going to be between me and karl anyway. i had trouble on this downhill flowing chicane, the frozen ground covered with a layer of mud was really slick and i just never found a good line thru it. the front wheel (which i had way too much air in, 50 lbs) slid alot on the turny bits, another mistake i made that cost me. i should have ridden a lap on the race bike to be sure i had the best pressure for the course. the b bike had different tire pressure, dumb. the way they have the pits these days is bad for changing bikes, on road stretches and fast sections that stopping to switch is just too slow. karl was taking advantage of good tire choice and good and good skills to hold his gap. i just maintained the pace i could and tried my hardest to keep karl in sight. i stopped getting splits and was wondering how i screwed up that bad when all of the sudden the gap was 15 seconds nearing the end of the penultimate lap, i pushed hard to get up to him on the road at the bell, sat on for the road stuff, rode thru the first set of barriers and the second road stretch on his wheel, going in to the sand pit barrier section i attacked, remounted and hammered the next 30 seconds as hard as i could to see how well it worked. i heard i had 15 seconds before bunnyhopping the ditch (i'll get pictures soon) karl crashed on the bunnyhop and i had a minute as i crossed the line. season over, i'm state champ. it feels wierd because i only lead the last half lap or so. not the bigger time gaps i had on the other good days this year. i love cross.



i didn't need to do the workout to be faster for saturday, i did it because i wanted to sleep last night. from town to the the top of boreas on the cross bike. white zombie and keith in my head, pushing most of the way, happy to feel the skinny knobbies push thru the deep snow, another foot plus yesterday alone. the bike would bog down a bit and then pop out onto the firmer tracks, good work. descending moonstone was a bit of a challenge, the front brake cable slipped so i ran the last bit. so motivating to roll thru and get home just at dark without a fall ready for saturday.



amazing what a good night's sleep will do. i feel better, for whatever reason i don't like trying to peak and rest up and taper, i know states is a big deal but every race is states or nats. peaking is a foreign concept in some ways, i prefer to be good all year, not great for one day. i took it a bit easy in one race this season and that was because i had one less lung from my cold. still mananged a second because the form had finally shown up. now one race left and i'm excited to do it, and be done. no more worrying, if someone comes out of the woodwork and takes me, so be it. i've had great prep and the best results for a long time. can't argue with the form at the last four races. the negative thoughts are gone and the body felt great coming in on the cross bike across the tundra. i did flat, no idea how i manaed that one. isn't snow supposed to be easy on the bike? softer tires tracked perfectly, not even a slip.



i don't really know why it comes up but sometimes i get into this string of negative thought that just snowballs. i figured out last night that i have roughly 20-25 years of working before i want to retire, and i have been working for less than that to this point, so i need to get a profession figured out that will give me satisfaction. i don't want to change the world, my goals are more pedestrian than that, i just want to do my work and go home to my family and bike. or i should play the lottery and solve all of my problems right there. retired by 40? that would be great.


i raced both days over the past weekend and took monday and tuesday off. nothing too bad considering the training i had done leading into the weekend and the load of racing and driving on the weekend. well now i can't sleep. it started monday night, early wake up though i didn't have to and earlier tonight. how am i supposed to take my break starting sunday if i can't rest? maybe i'll just start to ski at the nordic center beginning monday and call the break as being off the bike. 2 a.m. sucks. i like to sleep but i laid in bed for 45 minutes before coming downstairs to write this. my head isn't tired either, body is ready to go, maybe i'll go to fruita and ride some singletrack the weekend of nationals, that's a good for a break right? if i could shower right now i would, maybe that could reset the body. anything to get to sleep until 5. there is excercise-induced-asthma, what about lack of excercise-induced-insomnia? here are some pics of the races courtesy of joe d at primus mootry.



rough wake up from my nap, lunch isn't sitting too well, nothing like a nauseous nap. b is still enjoying his. he's fine. what an amazing kid. no bike today, maybe hot tub and stretch, but i don't want to mingle with all of those germs, certainly no steam room. that would be really dumb, bacteria frappe, no thanks. paranoia isn't such a bad thing. no chills today, lots of shoveling to keep me warm.


i'm still in the process of accepting that i cannot go to nats, i wanted to see where the form i have would leave me, top 10? probably. i can't help but think about when one of bosses sat on a desk chair and it broke, literally snapped under the boss' substantial weight. yeah, i can see that they wouldn't want me to go. what bullshit. i should have become a competitive eater instead of bicycle racer.


shaubie opened the door to let #1 out and stated "shit, it's cold out" b heard this and walked around the house saying "shit, it's cold out, shit, it's cold out, shit, it's cold out." the foot of snow last night and the pure entertainment are making today even better.



i scored a good weekend of racing, little family stuff in the denver area and then a good bit of work to make the turkey day gorging a distant memory instead of a reason for guilt. saturday's race was on the probably the turniest course i have ever raced, i bet the lap had more than 10 switchbacks and countless other turns to slow down progress. as usual the big guns pushed the pace early on. dennis was drilling it, karl sitting dutifully on his wheel with karl's teammate mark sweeping up behind me. the gap was starting to go and i could feel a move coming, the course really didn't allow for much passing, the four of us were getting away steadily and then the two great divide riders (karl and mark) tried to put a move on me. the one moved around me and started to let a gap open to the two leading riders, i saw it coming in time to jump across and go into the lead. that was about it, i turned the screw a bit on the turns and started to see the gap grow. riding the off camber sections allowed further time, good skills. i got lucky, karl had troubles and he was the one chasing me. sunday offered a far more wide open course, with room for passing. i got lucky and started like a shot and got the lead going into the dirt the first time, mitch came around me to get the first lap beer prime, soon after i went around him on the turny section to get the lead again, karl was on my wheel, we started going and seeing daylight behind i tried to push a little lead home. karl wasn't willing to work, i rode as smooth as i could not really wanting to ride solo the whole race from the second lap. he let a gap open and i just started pushing harder. no real bad mistakes other than missing a pedal here and there and the gap settled around 15 seconds, enough for comfort and i could see what was going on behind. not bad, four in a row going into the final weekend of racing. states, the season is great already.



blue water and clean way to start the day. didn't slip coming in, the bike rolled well, i was too cold to think, not enough layers to avoid the bite. plannig the weekend, race both days? probably not.
managed a good thanksgiving workout yesterday, solo until riding with shaubie for the warm down. didn't see very many riders out, i thought this odd because it was sooo nice, nearly 60 degrees and sunny. i did see a big black pig walking on the side of the road, near a farm but still just kind of wandering around. he didn't seem to care about the people in cars, or on bikes that were riding past him. pretty big guy too, i bet on the heavy side of 150 lbs. no snakes, this is the set of roads where in the summer i see more than a few squished rattle and other snakes that didn't make it to the other side or were caught sleeping on the warm road at the wrong time.



i'm still shocked that i managed to stay up yesterday, then again today, the roads are so icy. the studs help a ton but then again when it's this icy i suppose that it's just a matter of time. the motivation is solid for the last two weekends of the season. i can't help but feel good after two in a row. the lack of nats isn't that bad, the break is good, now i can start first of the year and be ready and motivated to do the winter work.



somehow i got the work done tonight without crashing or getting hit by a car. shaubie was able to get off work early to send me out at 4 pm. i could have ridden at 1 but it was a bigger block of time to go at 4. the roads in the highlands were all ice or snowpacked, the highway was a bit better. oddly enough low redneck factor considering i was riding during rushour. managed to get the work i wanted, the cold air opened u pthe lungs very well. kind of like a nordic effort, only easier, i was riding a bike afterall, nothing is as hard as skiing. softer tires i know helped get me more work and no time touching the ground. i found the place on my last interval up the last hill, the breathing and the legs went along in a pace that felt almost peaceful, hard enough to get the work done, but not hurting like i was out of shape, maybe the form is there and i'm polishing it nicely to the place it needs to be for december 3rd.



i've been thinking about this for a while, but i don't think i have ever eaten at a cracker barrel, i did think for a while though that the signs read "chicken banquet" while also reading "cracker barrel." i wonder if they'll ever remake the flash gordon movie? wasn't it called "flash gordon"? the scene in the swamp where they had to stick their hands in the stump thing and not get bitten by whatever was in there really creeped me out.


no update b/c i have no computer right now. sunday's race was on a better course for me, similar strategy as last week, let the other leaders play their cards before i did my thing. cariveau (moots) was on another level the first few laps, couldn't believe how fast he was going, riding the first few laps in the group of three was a bit hectic, cariveau off the front and no real effort from anyone to close the gap had me wondering, i didn't want to do the work. a late arrival on the line had me starting at the very back, no chance of a gift with this group, no "hey i'm tim, wanna let me on the front line?" last spot on the line took a few minutes and half a lap to get to the front group, the lead pack was about to check out. i didn't want to burn too many matches to get there. being dumb meant i had to wait a while before i did much racing. i just held on until the slowing happened, got around him until karl tried his effort and then i had my turn, threw it down on the right spot for me, leading into the technical bits where solo was faster than following wheels. the mud was probably shin deep on the one longer running stretch, riding it was out of the question, the bike would have gained 3 kilos in mud. really good course for me to attack solo, super turny, technical, forcing accelerations out of every turn to cement the gap. took a few laps to establish the right gap for comfort but in the end it was about 30 seconds. i had good luck after flatting on the warm up laps and not paying attention to the time. silly mistake but i guess it didn't really matter.



more snow last night, quiet trip across the tundra to get in. very few slips, the tires are working very well. the disappointment is fading a little bit, sucks not going to the show. maybe next year. i'll get a jump start on the break a week earlier and by christmas start the ball rolling. maybe sayulita in february for a good little sand and sun fix.


no nationals for me this year. figured it out last night, work is being as inflexible as my schedule outside of work. no way i can switch days and make the trip, for some bullshit reason work will not allow unpaid leave, family stuff has eaten up what i had and that's it. i guess the corpulent ones see this as leading to troubles down the road.



thanks to jeff for putting this story up on his website. very cool to see a totally culture different from the eyes and viewpoint of the local people, not the lens of a photojournalist. the picture in the slideshow of the grandfather and grandson reminded me of learning to fish with my grandfather when i was about that little boy's age. he taught me to fish with a bamboo pole we found in the woods and some second hand fishing line and some baitfish. we caught a good bit of fish that we ate or fed to the cat on the farm at which we were staying. the cormorant birds reminded me of seeing them work in japan on the longboats in the little harbors or coves.


i had a good spot of work on the way home yesterday, climbed to the top of boreas, couldn't stop thinking about the firecracker 50, except for the feet of snow lining the road the effort was the same. the weather: the opposite. good legs, when i totaled the time it was a half hour of effort. at this point in the season i couldn't have asked for more of an outside workout on the bike. i stopped at the top to put on the other jacket and my balaclava for the trip back down. it took a good 15 minutes before my toes were not aching after i got home. had big songs going in my head, some misfits, descendents and to mellow the end of the ride after the descent to town some smiths. motivation is good for the weekend, the legs are coming around nicely and the taper begins for states and nats.



better today, tuesday's run and yesterday's sweatfest on the rollers have me guardedly optimistic for sunday, if i could figure out a way to get in a two hour ride that would close out the training week perfectly. three feet of snow certainly curb the safe outdoor riding, the commute is about all i can do. it just didn't really stop from friday afternoon until monday night. straight home yesterday to get on the rollers. same today unless the roads clear. watched pro last night while on the rollers, pretty cool stuff, motivating to see those bury it so hard without thinking of a result for themselves. getting a good head together for this weekend's race, rollers and good race videos motivate me.



cool sky to bring me in today. i guess nearly three feet of snow and a full moon do spell no lights at 5 am. not that cold, probably about 0, far warmer than the expectation. still no octopus, getting antsy to see what he has to offer me. spent 15 minutes last night putting on the studded tire, broke a tire lever and have rubber burns on my thumbs. managed to stay up across the ice. surprised to see so much ice amid the snowpacked roads, it didn't get above 5 all day tuesday. trying to keep focus on the last few weeks of cross, rollers today, need to keep on the work.


esd and questions

i see the light at the end of the tunnel, the end is near when the three week break comes and i get to rest. i hope to get a two month diagnosis of esd (extra slow disorder) base miles are very good for the head. 5 hours on the road in the cold and wind whenever i can get it done. a good winter with music and podcasts to pedal away the kilometers. now the reservations for providence need to be made, do we go? is it worth it? should i save the $ for a week in hanalei in february? would i rather suffer thru hikes and runs with shaubie along the na pali coast than chasing a top 10 at nationals?


pics and pans

a few pics from my one good showing in the open race this year, bad legs snowball into bad seasons, maybe this past weekend put those bad ones away for a while. these are from the gunnison weekend, good show on the twilight race and then sunday put good to my thoughts that i took it too easy thru the spring and summer. now that catch-up has been the program since then, with not much to show for it. not that last weekend was bad, 2nd place is ok but it sucks racing with one lung. i had both of them yesterday.


a win

it came together today, first one in two years, felt good to start the last lap with a good little gap and go full wood to the line. good scrap, couple of regular fast guys made it fun and hard. karlito and dennis thought they had it figured out, bury me on the road and get in front of me before the barriers so i couldn't gap them there. dennis would drill it on the road, karl and i would look at each other, saying with our faces "you want him? you go get him" this went on for a few laps. finally dennis got and gap and forced karl and i to work together till dennis yardsaled it on a barrier, we got around him and that was it for dennis. 4 to go i spilled on a slick offcamber turn and had to work a full lap and a half to bring karl back, soon as i did he got in front of me on the big running section. next time thru with 1.5 to go i drilled it into big running section and gapped carl for the last time, hard effort for 5 minutes or so and that was it, my first win in the 35+ field. maybe the training is coming around in time for the last few weekends of the season. dennis got around karl somewhere after i got away to come second, he seems to be gaining form too, could be a good scrap at states.


blue and a little white

blue water to make an otherwise mundane morning a little sweeter. had to listen to a bureaucrat spew the usual, at least my boss diluted it with the cheers. got to ride the cross bike again today in the weather, little that we got before it all faded into a dry evening. great opening day. global warming is a myth. it might just go the way of that whole so called evolution thing.



i love it when you see hate in the name of god. not only does that jackass robertson condemn openmindedness he also threatens wrath upon those who choose another way of thought. this isn't a statement against any church, it's a scientific statement, simply put the school board lost for trying push their thought upon an educated non-complacent public. note:please click on the post title to read the news story


big songs

i got to listen to some big songs, lots of old stuff that made me happy. dag nasty's wig out at denko's and bad religion's suffer, the music just motivates me, i wanted to hop on the rollers and blow out whatever shit is lingering in my comprimised lungs. anybody wanna burn me a copy of these two?


last fall

a photo from last year i just found that i really like, good weather for me for and good form too. still hoping to get to that place this year. soon.

random parts

when you put together something out of pile of seemeingly useless junk and actually come out with a THING, it's pretty cool. i remember putting togther a bike or two this way, for myself or for friends. gathering up the pieces and getting it done by cobbling together parts form all sorts of places. usually a cross bike, fixy or a singlespeed, rarely a full mtb or road bike. this is a picture of a sculpture in the please touch museum in philly, really cool, the parts are all the way thru, not just on the exoskeleton.


i still have that waterbed mattress sitting on my chest. didn't help going up swan in the headwind with one lung collectively. still sucks being sick, maybe it's time to rest up? saw the helicopter today, maybe they are following me, tracing the steps to see if i make a mistake. plenty of those on the ride today, at least i can suffer uphill ok.



having a cold that stayed above the neck for the most part allowed the race to happen. i got lucky nobody really put the wood to me. rode without hitting the redzone. the skills were solid probably had a better set of lungs than the cold would have made me think. really fun, cruised around without too much hassle, good course for that. let the bike roll it's own path. whatever it was it worked fine. fifth time this year i was second, no wins, lots of the next place. big songs are louder than quieter ones, those are small songs, that's what b says.



i get it, gathering pace and beginning to steamroll. i doubt it will catch on with any great numbers but it will in smaller numbers, where it suits those that agree. people are reluctant to accept a wholesale shift. it's easier the other way.



bad religion kept me warm back from frisco tonight, after dark, solo light. no helicopters hovering over me or over my sleep tonight, i hope. middle class assasins helped too. it's good to be able to hear the warmth. maybe the locusts will come.
all i want today is some blue water and maybe 90 minutes to ride and untangle my muscles. this training thing takes a bit of getting used to. i feel like a, what's it called? oh yeah, bike racer. that gnome that attacked me the other night has left the bulding, no more ab workouts at 1am. he left a gnarly trail of destruction.


the first place of business i have been to in a long time that smelled of cigarette smoke was where i go to fill my propane tank. odd. you would think a place that deals with flammable gas would have a no smoking rule on their grounds. did the boulder cross ride, super work on two totally opposite courses. i've wanted to do this ride for years but getting a wednesday off to go do it was always a challenge. 50 or 60 riders showed up most of the fast guys from the area that i try to race with on the weekend. when you line up with full pros for a training race the line blurs that you are only training. after the organized ride rocco and i spun up boulder canyon to betasso (sp?) what a great day of training.


bad night

something flatted my rear wheel at a really bad spot, most likely my own poor riding, i had good skills but just wasn't able to nail this one spot cleanly, well it got me in the end. last night after we got home i was sleeping ok tll 1 am or so, boiling stomach woke me until i emptied it. slept a while until the next bout of whatever it was. gone now, i'm weak, tired and bordering on nausea. not the best way to spend a night after a race, eat when i can avoid the weird thoughts that haunted me all night, what were they that made me stay awake and feel so out of it? maybe it'll come to me.



better to get it over with now, take my hits before the real freeze comes. getting it done slowly but somehow i feel better about it. sunday is the next test, so far my gpa isn't so good. that'll change.


i saw a fox last night that looked like it ate better than most of america (is that possible)i see it all the time, overdone. is there an overdoneness? whatever it's called it creeps in and gets a hold of a lot. simplicity is where i want to be, it just sucks wading thru all that crap to get there. is it a place? maybe better organization first then thin it out from there.



blue water, heavy legs and marginal coffee, why can't i find a longer commute that doesn't have to start at 5 am? how great it would be, i know i can find it. it's there, i just need to find it. kind of like looking for that last tube in the back of the shed.


i missed it, the moose was walking around our old neighborhood. i want to have that sicily moment. i hoped it would happen at the old house, never did. hoped again at the new house, not yet. living here more than ten years i have seen moose once. my first summer. maybe it'll happen, i just hope it's not in the middle of the road at 5 in the morning.



if you go thru the trouble to put on a light and go out at dusk or dawn shouldn't the cars take the time to notice that not every road user is in an suv? i had the good light on the front (in flash mode for extra visibility) and the red flasher in back, why can't people pay just a little bit of attention. i didn't get hit, barely avoided that one. rolled away shaking my head, gave a polite wave at the stoplight, just got on with my work. expect little and you won't get hit. extra berth, key.


1s & 0s

i really enjoy listening to the ipod while riding. it did seem odd to listen to the subhumans and the black furies the other day while riding. playing a podcast, of music that's 20 years old, riding a bike, dorky decadence. punk rock and high tech portable music never really fit like a proper jigsaw puzzle in my head. the music is so beoynd what should play over such a small device. odd how i preconceive how music should be played, wtf? it goes where it can be played. i had minor threat on my rio 4 years ago, and then it seemed odd too. why is that? all bits and bytes, 1s & 0s. this morning we danced around the house to shatner with ben folds and joe jackson, b loves it. we each get a train and a cookie cutter and run and dance, damn life is good. slow or not.


good work

good work this weekend, suffering thru lack of high end fitness. good to be feel like i actually could ride. better second half than first both days. it'll get here, soon enough.



moonlight this morning was so bright i thought it had snowed last night. the ground was bathed in a soft frost-like glow, i got out on the cross bike to see that the ground was frosted like a delicious treat from daylight, not a snowy frost from the sky. rolled into town in the dark to find cheap tasty breakfast burritos at the market. i'm still full. coffee right now, life is good.



i might be on to something, i tasted it yesterday, that iron-metallic mucus in the back of my throat, it's there, it's here. the trick is to keep it going, two a week like that. put the other behind for now, get to that spot and leave it there. yeah, i have a lot of work to do. for a good end. new shirt in december. that'll keep me warm all winter.



at least it stayed rain all day, i should have gone out on the road but i went home instead and got on the rollers for a while. sissy. i needed the work on the road but the work i did get done was pretty good considering...i was on the rollers. i wanted dirt but it would have been super sloppy out there, trying not ruin the trails is a good thing. bigger things to come, more on the plate than i thought possible.



i needed fenders today, it was probably the wettest morning i can remember and i got truly soaked, maybe i'll put them on this weekend and leave them on for the winter, is that a bad idea? it was really dark, the light reflecting off the road being my only guide. it still felt good, temps near freezing and the bike feeling comfortable over the slick roads. i'm lucky, it rained but i got to ride to work today.



really took the hits this weekend, i know it'll come but the two weeks off hurt the pride a little. being that far back is never fun, normally i'd be top 5-10 in the group not...where am i? why aren't the lungs working? why did i sit on my ass for two weeks? better ride sunday than saturday and then the flats were sort of irrelevant, i wasn't going to win, just wanted to do better, always.


woke up at 4.30 thinking weird thoughts, i was up for the day. i kept going over in my head palindromic phrases, one in particular:
a man, a plan, a canal, panama
i don't get it. over and over forward and back, with punctuation, without punctuation, odd. and blue water, on my mind for the 10 minutes i tried to fall back asleep. couldn't do it, fast awake. too cold for the knickers today, i needed full legs and the first lobster paw sighting of the season, cold, dark too. needed the lights and the flasher, it's here. maybe i'll see the octopus' work next week, try to get out and enjoy it, maybe a night ride if the snow melts a bit. not counting on it at this point. bleak thought; winter from now until may. if that's the case we will certainly get out of town more than once for a beach break. mexico in january? mmmmmm that warms me already.



cold and snowy return home. no road bike today for the commute, cross machine glided across the ice patches. b was great on the plane, no troubles, he's happy to be home, it must be hard to leave familiar surroundings and get thrown into a new setting. he was ready to be home.



it seems like a predictable stretch of road, a mosaic of colors and textures that mimic the lines on the faces that mark the sides of the road. or is it the other way around? i like not knowing, the comfort i feel in my knees as i walk past the sculptures, the blur, blend and morph of one to the next, really cool to look back and see it all as one.


number one rolls on, number two is here, he seems quite the charger, not really stepping out of the way as much as making his own. i'm still taking my hits, maybe return a few this weekend, yeah i think it's my turn to throw in a few, no more complacency, time. i like the way it feels, bigger they are... good few days off, break is over seven weeks out, seven weeks to the big one, yeah the time is here. ready?



i was happy to at least check out the race, nothing too bad, i think i would have gone well, not to say i would beat the locals but it would have been a fun course, muddy, fast, and turny, my alley, for sure. the motivation grows to get it back together, season is on when i want it to be. challenge. fast guys here in the mud, good to wind it up and churn, mmmmm butter.


our leader on a mission from god

not to get off on a tangent here but what did the red states do to us? wtf? he heard from god that he should invade? i love religion. the next thing you know we are going to march across europe killing everybody who disagrees with us. oh wait, that was done already, the crusades.



i took my hits over the weekend. it'll come. fresh snow last night, cold trip in today, it's on. tim was faster than all in the b race sunday, no surprise there. the tour did him right. new bike for the next race, yeah, life is good.



little pre-dinner loop on the flumes last night, pretty good stuff, the legs had just about nothing, was nice to cruise the trails without haste. amazing how much there is to see at slower speeds, texture on rocks, lichen growing where tires can't knock it off. trees losing their leaves onto the trail. simple riding on a simple machine.



i just don't get it sometimes it all works out pretty well and others for the reasons i can't grab it just falls into a whole pile 'o poo. taught a little clinic on saturday with tim and then did the twilight race saturday night, great course, fun, modest field, and really fast stretches. got away in group and let one guy off the front, not thinking he would hold it through the full hour. my mistake. held strong in a group the varied b/t three and five riders for most of the race, knowing there was good money on the line i made sure not to mess it up further. with four to go i started thinking of making deals, asked the other driver in the group if he wanted to pool the cash and he refused, i attacked, easily got away and drilled it for a lap, not much else to do, finished about 10 seconds behind the winner, my mistake. i was relaxed on saturday b/c i was tired from the clinic and the drive (three hours over three passes) sunday i was stressed b/c i had a mechanical warming up and my head just wasn't into it. not relaxed, shit effort with shit legs. bummer. i need to separate the crap from the cream. no relax no good race.



castles made of sand. good reading, or maybe boring depending on how much time you have spent building sand castles.



i lost count at around 6, the bugs were big and juicy. cool for september. i wonder if the fox i see eat bugs? i guess they'll eat whatever comes along. nice abbreviated ride with shaubie.



the legs want to be relaxed. i can't get around that feeling, loaded, bloated. more food, mmmmmm food. that time of year for the cold and the work, rest and food.


i forgot to put on the handlebar light today, i wish i had the night vision of a raccoon. to be able to spy out the littlest bit of threat or food in the pitch black would help a lot with my trip in to work. sometimes it's like i'm riding by braille. i like it. the octopus is slowing waking up from his summer sleep. i see little bits of promise coming out. i hope more comes soon. i can feel it in the air, octopus season.


good practice yesterday, the legs felt ok, i was able to maintain pace for three laps. even hurt a little bit too. skills seem good, no major issues there. cross is here, i'm rolling into the season with the goal of states and nats as the major efforts, nothing too important to eclipse those.


subtle wake up at about 2.45 to help b with a wet bed melted into a great block of rain assisted sleep. no wonder he wet the bed, it poured all night, i nearly wet the bed too.



wheels, according to centripedal (sp?) force want to keep rolling. but throw in rain, hail, & 40 km/h cross/headwinds and you have a different story. like my ride today. it hurt to ride into that shit and then when i flipped and got going 50k/hr up hill towards home i was very wet and cold. work abbreviated but i got some done anyway. hail hurts.



now it's on the other side of night, can't sleep past 5.30, wtf? i need to figure this out. i have a new extra super action show to listen to, that makes it better. punk rock in the morning, good day. check 'em out , you'll like it.



i was out in the woods this morning, first one since the crash over two weeks ago, good solid ride, pretty short but it turned out to be a good day. i just don't get it on some of my favorite trails people knock down obstacles but create bigger ones down the line. odd. not my place really, it just bothers me. not my trails, just my fun. drivers seem too close to the yellow line in my opinion, i don't drive a ton these days but it bothers me when i see it. the road is plenty wide, stay away from the yellow line, no shoulder traffic; runners or cyclists to avoid, drive in the middle of the fucking lane. i was freaked out b/c a guy had the wheels of his piece of shit dodge pick up across the yellow by about 3 feet on a turn today on the dam road, with the whole family in the car, i was freaked out that i couldn't move farther away from him. love those big 'merican pick ups.



today i saw two foxes fighting with a house cat on my way to work. i don't know who won. it was pretty cool, the foxes were chasing the cat out of the woods and the cat was fighting them off and running away at the same time. i didn't interfere, really didn't see it as my place, the cat was in the woods. balance in nature. last night i didn't have a ton of time to do my work on the bike, i got in 40 minutes of good harder tempo before i had to pull the plug and get home to pick up B. of that 40 i had nearly 30 at a good enough pace to call it training instead of just rolling. i was ready to stop, the pace was plenty, it was time to go home. more balance.


dry roads

today wasn't nearly as dark as yesterday, the light rain that fell over night and the clouds that may have been obscuring the moon made the wet trip dark yesterday. today was different, moon and dry roads. and one asshole driver, wtf? i'm getting it together. i know that it'll take some time. i'm still recovering more from my night of little sleep than the intervals. odd how sensitive the system is.



i feel pretty good after the weekend's racing. not that i was successful, but i know what i need to do to arrive in Providence in form, motivated and in shape. i have a program and with good rest and smart decisions b/t now and then will bring me there in shape. it relaxes me. here's the work, now get it done.



if i lay a certain way on my really nice pillow (not the crappy hug pillow) i can hear my pulse in my ear. i think it's the weird little appendage that sticks out midway up the ear. remember the poe story the tell tale heart? my once monthly bout of no sleep, spears of light go thru my head, preventing rest and getting sharp imaginary pains inside my brain way behind my eyes. no real explanation other than i need sleep but just can't find it. i'm tired, i want to be there but i can't go. the light reminds me of a fluorescent bulb that's opaque, except silent. no noise. it's beautiful in it's own way, if it didn't keep me awake i'd really like it.

and i ran

not too far or too hard but i ran. some sprints, great leaves right now too. i have been off the mtb for almost two weeks b/c of my hip, so to get out in the woods and see the aspens in their golden goodness made the morning perfect. running is good, simplicity.



i survived the first weekend of racing, saturday was ok, good ride, smart. i didn't make many mistakes, good skills nothing too bad. sunday was a better course, better than i thought it was last week. i rode well till i hit a small rock and double flatted just after the pit. packed it in with only two to go. not much i could do, stupid to ride a whole lap on new wheels in an early race. it felt sort of good to get the first sharp efforts out of the way. i really haven't gone that hard since portland. what is that 9 months? the bike felt good, sharp. the tires were great, my mistake. the new season is on and i feel good about the steady build to providence in a little less than 3 months.


too soon

cross practice yesterday wasn't the best idea. the two courses for the weekend are ok, i hate to say it but they just aren't that great. that's probably more a product of my hip still being jacked than of the courses themselves. i'm pretty sore today, maybe i'll bunnyhop in favor of trying to get on and of the bike without hurting it more. riding is fine, i can even dig a bit and go hard but the rest of it sucks. i wish i had another few weeks before the start of the season, two races and then i get to sit up and rest to recover further.



blue water, but lots of ghosts today. it seemed that every shadow chased me a little bit this morning. i know my paranoia is only that, but it really freaks me out as i roll in and the light's beam isn't enough to allay my fears. sometimes it's easier to go in without any lights, no shadows just holes in the darkness, especially lately with no moon to illuminate the morning. the octopus will light his inky path, more like a darker glowstick to follow.

it's here

it's here, time to gather up all of the extra crap that clogs the flow and put it away. the one thing that really matters athletically this year is on. cross arrives this weekend and doesn't stop until a cold weekend at a park in providence rhode island december 11. the air feels very cross like right now too, probably in the twenties on the way in today. snow/hail/rain on the ride yesterday, it's here. as soon as the hip clears up i'll run once a week, do intervals on foot, warmer that way.



i got a phone call today from a telemarketer looking for money for the police. we give every time the environmental lobby knocks on the door, this guy wouldn't take no for an answer. it was truly impressive how well he followed his script for each negative answer i gave him. it was as though i was on a training tape and he was to move on to the next line to get money out of me. finally i said a polite no thank you for the third time and hung up on him. without insulting him or the police for bothering me for money. i pay my parking tickets most of the time. i got chased by a dog on my ride this afternoon, he started to run down the hill towards me and as i pedaled up the hill i said to him "stay away from me" grabbing my water bottle and ready to spray him and then huck it at him, big friggin' german shepherd looking dog. wtf?! keep your dog off the god damn streets. good day.


i am feeling better, overdoing it this past weekend maybe was a good thing to get in the training while recovering from my spill. it still hurts to walk, but riding is ok. the bikes aren't 100% ready, but i hope to have one good for this weekend. two races on the first weekend of cross i know will pay off later on.


i found this pic on a disk that's been in the camera a while, i like the light and what i remember from that day. post firecracker 50:
my mac and blogger don't really get along, my limited knowledge of html prohibits better formatted posts from home. i can only do so much. oh well, nobody pays,



i think i got a little lucky yesterday aftrnoon, just a little, i could have been hurt more, but i got off light, i guess. just rolling down the trail and all of a sudden i was supermaning, not the best landing though. i guess that'll happen once in a while. i still don't know what i hit, i looked but saw nothing. luckily i was riding with a friend who after our 30 minute hike (i couldn't ride for a while) then descent into the 'hood was able to stitch me up. just sore and stupid now, it'll be just road bike and rest for a few days, we'll see what it all does for the cross races next weekend, maybe, maybe not.



i feel a sense of pride when i get the honor of this kind of thing. cyclocrossworld has helped us out, thanks for the props.


i feel like a blowfish today. sort of heavy and loaded, maybe bloated too. riding in i was oddly at ease with the darkness, it feels good. i have new stuff to wear, i'm warmer and my eyes are adjusting to winter mode, feeling for the soft shoulder before i get to it, keeping my wheels tracking clean. the clouds are getting lit from underneath, as soon as the moon rises and the clouds roll in for fall i'll get to see the octopus' work. i can only imagine what color the ink will be.


new stuff

i never realize how worked my cycling gear is until i get into the new stuff, wearing new shorts and legwarmers or whatever it is i'm lucky enough to get feels like a holiday. the pad isn't crushed beyond recognition, the legwarmers have an odd, supportive feel to them, maybe i should try cross dressing? hmmmmmm. i have always liked the feel of legwarmers, how far is that from stockings? not very. another topic, more therapy. it's the same with the bikes when you put on new cables or a fresh set of tires, the bike feels brand new, simple maintenance goes a long way. i feel like a pro when it all feels new and comfy, like i somehow did something right to get to this point.



waiting around playing with the kid before ride time i came across this one on the gnome's website (www.onespeeder.com) pretty interesting: Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe. i must be the exception, i read so slow that i do see every letter, maybe it's that idiot genius thing i have. regardless pretty cool stuff. i am getting more anal retentive as i live each day.



when we go to the river there are a few spots along the way we go to. luckily all are pretty safe. b likes it no matter where we go. the narrow bit under the willows is cool because he and number one can go in the water a little bit as it is slow this time of year and i know he won't be swept away. the rocks are my job to find, he throws them. the river dumps out into a pond that we throw a ball for number one to chase in there, sitting on the side of the pond b cheers for his brother chasing the ball and then asks me to get him rocks the throw in the meantime. pretty fun, can't think of any better way to spend an afternoon.
i got out early yesterday and from that point on it was like a vacation. i got home earlier than normal by about 2 hours but it was unreal. i hung out with b, we threw rocks in the river, tossed the ball for number one and really didn't let anyone or anything get to me. i really would not work if i could. big shock there, the shiftless guy saying he'd stay home if he could. who wouldn't want to not have to work? maybe volunteer at a hippy non-profit a few hours a week. some cause i could believe in and not get pissed off at the idiots running the place. oh wait, critical assholes like me are always second guessing other people's decisions. i don't regularly say i could do whatever better, just that i don't agree that the decision was in the best interest of all parties involved. it's a hell of a lot easier to call bullshit than to offer a solution. i feel comfortable in my judgmental role in life. it's simple to do from a distance, that way my hands don't get dirty. on the odd occasion i get a chance offer a solution, i will, in fact i think my ideas are better than the alternative, but i like being able to offer them criticism and then the solution if i think it good enough to share. for instance:
new orleans this week. why didn't fema and the other aid agencies address the problem before the hurricane? everytime a storm starts getting close npr would run a story listing the many problems with the levee systems and pumping issues the city would have if even a category 2 storm were to hit. now a category 5 rolls thru and hammerfucks the whole region. hmmmmmm, an issue that was maybe worth fixing? no. the $230 million dollar bridge to nowhere in alaska, becasue louisiana doesn't have a senior senator. i don't know all of the ins and outs of senatorial law, but isn't highway money for federal roads seemingly just as green in the south as it is in the far north? could this have helped soften the blow? maybe improve a road or two that were major escape routes from a city that sits below sea level? no there i go again not offering solutions. only criticising from here.
well, more problems than i know what to do with. i find it darkly funny that solutions are so close and simple but the powers aren't interested in them. that little bridge to a city of 500, or is it 50? is more important than a easing a path for millions of potentially displaced residents of an area in the crosshairs of one hurricane after another.


bad move

i saw the result of a cyclist running into a semi yesterday. i left work to get some lunch at the grocery store (a treat to go out for lunch) as i was riding back with my sandwich the flagger for the perpetual construction project was crying as she said "don't go over there!" really creeped me out. i saw a blanket over the person and her wheel sticking up off the ground. i don't really know if she died but i was pretty freaked out the rest of the day. as the day rolled on i heard what may have happened, she tried to go across without checking to see if there was enough room or she tried to outrun the truck thru the intersection. big mistake. i was about a minute or two in front of her on my over and as i was going back the police or ambulance hadn't arrived yet, not that it would have happened right in front of me, but that it was so close to my trip thru the same intersection. after work i got out on the path for a nice mellow road spin, i was careful at all of the intersections. no real work just a bit to turn the legs. not feeling too good about the pull i got on sunday skating in aspen, i should be over it by now, i'm not.



the pieces fit, i see it in the road on my way to work, not exactly like jigsaw pieces more like when i look at the world map and see that the continents go together. not perfectly but it's there if you look hard enough. screw up your eyes and push it close in your mind, it goes. lacking one thing is a whole lot better than lacking more, i feel good about it. yeah, i'm pretty sure it does make sense.



seven year anniversary, amazing how time flies. no bikes, no crap to haul around to the far reaches of the state. easy going, just a few bags, simple and light. perfect. i am not the lightest packer in the world but i try to simplify wherever i can. everytime i have a chance to get rid of some stuff, it's gone. in a lot of ways i prefer giving it away to selling it. simple.



the chill i feel every morning on my way to work grows by the week. not that it's really cold but i know it's coming. cross season is just about here, the motivation is buliding. soon the bikes will be ready, i have begun to run, it's almost here.



my third mtb race of the year, i rode well on the descents but the first lap descent was rough, they started us behind the vet experts whose back markers i caught on the first bit of singletrack, they had a two minute headstart. then on the descent it was nose-breathing as the guys i was behind gave the leader a helping hand-nobody on gears likes to give a singlespeeder room to pass, you have to make room. by the end of the first lap i was 90 seconds down, i drew close second time up but not close enough to factor. i realized that racing singles is like making lemonade; you need to get the juice out when it can come out, not later on where the course prevents faster riding, lemons have juice, but it dries out pretty quick-just like my legs. third mtb race of the year third second place of the year. not a bad record. the legs are slowly coming around.


2 minutes

i guess there really is a line. i know time has very little to do with physics, things are going to happen at their own pace, whether or not time is there. on the odd occasion however, the puzzle goes together a bit differently. today i slept until 5, that's what i set the alarm for. not 4.58. it made a lot of difference. i feel somewhat, ah, awake, i think. the trip in was good, the lights worked fine, i didn't even need to think the whole way, autopilot.



last night just before i fell asleep, watching the televisions in my head i realized a few things; that the tvs are all rotary, to change the channel i need to switch it by hand-which i do. the tvs also have a few channels to choose from, not a ton of channels, but there are about a 1000 tvs. i couldn't remember my first grade teachers name. somewhere in all of that useless info i couldn't remember what her name was. i think it was a woman but i really couldn't be sure. i think it was a german name but again i'm lost. i don't know why it bothers me so much but it does. i try to keep stuff like this in my head but i never really think about first grade. second grade on are pretty solid in my mind, but first grade fades for some reason.



i think that the key to the finish is somewhere in between the negative and the possible. the way i see it the result isn't in the finish it's in the prep that goes into it. loosely related thoughts. but really ones that got me to thinking tonight.



it's not like i ate a lot last night but i think the combination of foods did me in. sushi sake sapporo and smores. only a few sips of the beverages, but lots of sushi (relative to regular food) and one smore -i think the first one i have ever had- are kind of giving me rotgut today. at least my attitude is ok after yesterday's intervention and marathon meeting. i really hope to "step up" and "think outside the box" in the coming months, it really is very important, or so i'm told.
i had to sit thru a meeting yesterday, lucky for me it was only about an hour and a half, pretty painful, shit that could have been done with in 15 minutes. maybe i'll become a carpenter, fewer meetings and perhaps the only thing near my dream job of being a shepherd. less waste of time and more time doing whatever it is i should have been doing. it was like a management training vocabulary seminar, i should have counted the number of times "step up" and "think outside the box" were thrown out, i won't go into that as plenty of funnier people dissect those phrases better than i. my own insincerity towards these topics affects how i work, i want to believe what i'm told but the sheer quantity of bullshit is truly impressive. i needed three hours on the bike solo after work just to get it all out of my head, i was really mellow the rest of the evening, the ride just put me in such a peaceful place i really didn't leave. we went out for dinner and the group didn't even wake me from my place. it was awesome, sushi on a peaceful mind. if i believed in some sort of eastern philosophy because i think it could have explained how i felt last night. my work situation aside i really need/want nothing.


b let one go in the tub last night. i saw it on his face, he was going to let the trout swim, funny he had blue water at the time. his favorite, mine too. chris rockwell would have been proud. minimal clean up, we got lucky.



i got this in an email from a good friend who works a job not at all similar to mine.
the day before my first workday each week i am genuinely bummed, not that i have to go to work but that i have to go there. after i am at work it's not as bad but i would still rather be violently ill. maybe i'll get sick this week for a day or two. i figure this is common for most people but i didn't always feel this way. before the artificial importance popped up so much it was a pleasant place to go a few days a week, the meetings and the stress created what i feel right now, major boredom and general apathy as ben folds would say.
i can relate.



sometimes i'm really not so bright. it was a super cool morning to get out for a ride, the sky was really cool witht clouds hanging over the ridge and the air seemingly warm, or so i thought. i dressed for a 5o degree ride not a 4o degree ride. cold as i was riding north the sky and the clouds kept me warm, knowing as soon as i flipped i would be able to see just how warm i could get. i never got that warm, too far gone by the time i flipped to return home and warm up. the ride home was more survival than good work session. now the wrist aches even more. i'm really not so bright.



my sunday was filled with loud noises and motorsports followed by a nice little bike ride to recover from yesterday's suffer at keystone. single speed aca state championships, it was pretty hard. i chose a really bad gear (36-18) charlie hayes rode a 34-20, a lot easier than what i had, maybe i could have gone with him but i was way overgeared, good work anyway, i rode all of it, with only two dabs on the climbs-good stuff. coming second to charlie is never a bad ride. really fun singletrack but riding to the top of the mountain 3 times at keystone is never easy. the pictures are a few of the scenes we saw today, good mullet at the monster truck rally and then todd, being todd, on my bike.



the word little looks like a mini forest to me; the letters all remind me of trees and shrubs i see on the trail. different heights and girths, sort of like people you see walking down the street. in the woods you see these all over the place, just slowing down and looking about is enough to get it. numbers are everywhere, if i look at the bike path as it glides beneath my tires i see numbers in the texture, not faint but jumping out at me- a beautiful random sequence that i know isn't truly random at all, that doesn't exist on any plane. look at it all long enough and the patterns arise, slow at first then think and fast.



blue water for the first time in a long while. i may start to leave the pod at home in favor of the camera, photographic evidence of the happenings out there, i see more patterns everyday, chaos theory states:
Systems that exhibit mathematical chaos are deterministic and thus orderly in some sense; this technical use of the word chaos is at odds with common parlance, which suggests complete disorder.
this doesn't really apply directly to what i think i see, but in some ways on the 1000 tv sets in my head it does. on my terms in my definitions of it. i think i can get enough of a grasp to understand the basic tenets of thermodynamics.



i have seen this little trail for a long time that i wanted to check out but never have until yesterday. it went nowhere fun. it turned into a 30 minute hike-a-bike, oh well. the rest of the ride was great, perfect damp singletrack that wasn't sloppy. this morning was a different story however. i guess it rained all night from about midnight on. by the time i got to work on the road bike i was soaked thru. the sky was really cool, inky clouds, low in the sky, with a smokey look more common in may or november than august. fenders, i need fenders.


no blue

no blue water in weeks, i think it's my own fault, i need to get in there earlier. i just don't have time to get it all in before the blue stuff is gone. no conspiracy, just bad timing. i like the way a blue water makes me feel. so fresh and clean.

back in it

it was dark and oddly warm today. maybe i was just out of it to the extent that everything was warmer. i was lucky in that i didn't need to turn on a lamp to get going and dressed. that was nice. the light from the iBook got me all the light i needed. on the single today for a change, nice slow commute, bearclaw to wake me before the bullshit tries to put me to sleep. maybe some good coffee or a smoothie to insulate my head from the idiocy.


nostalgic for misery

i almost puked today, that would be three times in eight days, but i don't think it's going to happen, i kind of sat on it for a while and rode thru it. sometimes going harder can put the nausea at bay. there was a crazy lady on the pass yelling about flys, weird vail people, i say vail people b/c i don't think she was the type to ride up and over-and back. you don't have to walk down a city street to find the crazies. they're out there, wow, are they. i was drilling it to get home before i got to re-taste my clif bar,shot and honey stinger. at least no shit-pizza today. good music to get it done. old stuff from when i had more trivial things to worry about, the worst part of my week was the long hike-a-bike in the race. or the wringer my head put me thru. enough of that. blew it all out though, perfect way to get over the hump that is the rut i feel. got home with a smile on my face and no vomit on my bike. life is good, better than i ever thought it could be.


food...bad food

i think i ate bad turkey the other day, but i wasn't sure so i ate some more the next the day. that was the one that finally did me in. rot gut for two days and puke today while doing hill repeats. well, it was my first hill of the day, not a good sign. i 'm not very bright, i ate free pizza today, domino's, but it was free. you know the budget stuff. so i got to taste that delicious acidic hormone-laden canned tomato sauce twice. mmmmmm acidic. that kind of sucked the first 15 minutes of my workout to puke. i should know better, i just don't, even the two coffees today didn't affect my constitution too much. a mocha and a weak cup of coffee was fine, but shit pizza, that i'll throw up.



i see a pattern in the potholes and the seeming endless bumps in the path. i know it's because of the lack of fat tire time this summer. so much time in the rain and sun and heat has made the potholes align into a great contiguous line. all the urns are sandy or filled with gravel. hours on the bike melt into one smooth path, filled with the pictures of standouts along the way. the wierd things i see, or think i see on my way to work. the wierd things at the end of 5 hours on the bike. not always the same thing, when i see something that's not there, i wonder how it got there.



ok, i'm riding down the road this morning, the car coming the other way has a good 5 seconds to see that there is person on a bike on the other side of the road. so what do they do, they hit the high beams. wtf? i gave the driver a few more seconds to turn off the beams before i said good morning with my middle finger. i have a solution to some of what bothers me; waste less time, economy of language shouldn't just apply to literature. all of these meetings, the bullshit i see around me never seems to stop, ever. what about cutting away the tripe? it's easy for me to criticize, i'm in the ivory tower, insulated from a lot of it. well, really an ivory cellar. in a lot of ways the folly falls upon me, i'm the one aiming lower, the idea of success holds a different meaning, i guess i just want to be left alone, i'd like to put a dollar value on that, what would it cost to not be bothered? i missed playing lotto last night, that could have been it.



the darkness gets closer every morning, i like it, rolling off the porch onto the morning's purple tongue brings the thoughts of the new fall air and chill thru me. rain still on the ground, cooling the day off before it starts, it's only august but it's coming, not too far away from the dark, cold days. it wraps me in it's subtle chill no matter how bundled i get to hide from it.



it's a funny thing, i want to try something new, not that i have that protestant work ethic thing, i'm really an agnostic, i just want to get a new thing going. i don't like feeling this way, maybe i'm so accustomed to my own subtle complacency in preofessional life, opposite of my life on the bike. i try to do all i can to stay out of the way at work, it sucks the whole set up is really a joke, admittedly management heavy and they solve this by adding another management job. brilliant. i try my best not to say much but it's difficult, i know i'm an asshole but i like to point out the folly.



we had our final soccer game last night, we lost. not that it was so different form our other games, we only won two of 7. i was moving the ball across the field when i was challenged by a guy, in the process i stumbled over the ball, not b/c of him but b/c i'm clumsy. the ref blew the whistle for a free kick for me, i said to the guy who tackled me and was called for the foul "i tripped over the ball" he got all bent wanted to hit me! WTF!!! i said to him again that it shouldn't have been a foul but perhaps i should have spoken monosylabically b/c again he was clueless, i let it go but then later on he was kicking my ankles as i dribbled the ball down field. to finish his own show of idiocy after the game, that his team won, he wouldn't shake my hand, leave it on the pitch. what a jackass! oh well, i got to ride there and most of the way home, the bike always makes it better.



looking for the keys to my locker, trying to figure out what to do with them if i find them. the right thing to eat and the right time to eat it. seeing the same weird-looking guy wandering down the trail, wondering if he's lost or just wandering? who knows? probably not even him. the horseshit still makes me mad. would the equestrians mind if i left a big steaming pile of morning crap in the middle of the trail? i think so, yeah, i'm pretty sure.



i still wonder why people who ride horses can't clean up the horseshit that the equines leave behind. b and i went to the river today to throw rocks (an almost everyday thing for us) and there were ants crawling all over me before i even knew it. that was about 11 am, i'm still itchy. good to be out on the path tonight, nobody out there, one ground squirrel but i didn't run him over, he was already squished when i got there, really is it that hard? can you not avoid small creatures going about their day? wtf? i know it's asking a lot, but a little consideration could go a long way here.

wool is good

a late evening mtb ride last night with friends turned into a rainy cruise on some of the best trails we have close to town. lucky i wore wool or else i would have been cold. it got dark all at once, the trees hiding the falling rain for a bit. coming out of the woods into a downpour was the perfect way to end a great little ride. undressing on the porch, a quick shower and i never really got cold, wool is good.



i like the halos i see around lights when i wake up, maybe it's good sleep, maybe it's the eyes adjusting to the new day, they seem a bit different every time. the light falls a bit different if you can take a second look to look at it. happily i don't need to see the halo to see a difference.


it's not that i feel bad about it, because i don't. it's odd, the guy saw me riding towards the intersection he was riding towards and we both were on bikes, (he had a stop sign) was i supposed to swerve into traffic to make more room for him so he wouldn't have to stop? he had enough room but was going too fast to make the turn and not get hit. so he locked up his back wheel as he made the beginning of his turn and the totally lost it, sliding in a little spiral. a quick "you ok?" was i all i gave as i continued on to work. clown.


blue water surprise

blue water surprise, another day with cool stuff going on all around, absolutely clarity is lost without the keys to the cabinet. what happens when the keys are lost, does the ink run clear, the writing go away? the darker mornings make it clear that the fall isn't far off, thoughts of cool morning rides thru town for coffee, dark beans roasted to perfection, some quiet belgian coffee shop getting ready for the day the way they have for a hundred years. waiting for the mid day effort.



every night i read a book or two to b before he goes off to sleep. usually i am the second reader of the night, shaubie starts off and i get to finish. he enjoys the books and has also figured out that asking us to read more books pushes sleeptime back a bit. there is a line in where the wild things are that goes:
and the walls became the world all around
how cool is that, what imagination. written by maurice sendak, i think first in french then translated to english.



another chance to see the sky getting darker, getting dressed for the commute in the dark and finding my cereal bowl and milk without too much light reminds me of the darkest mornings in winter. it makes me feel a little more adjustable, not real sure if i am but that's the way it feels. i like that. great to be out on the bike traveling across at 5.15, nobody out there, that's the best. no bears this morning in the hood to startle. i would make a nice little snack for him. the brown bear in my backyard on monday morning would certainly enjoy some fresh food. it feels good to not be at the top of the food chain, like riding the roads on a bike, definitely not at the top of the food chain there either.



i just bought the new mike doughty ep off itunes, unreal a couple of known songs, a video and a cover of a classic. good to hear one of the most under rated artists around produce such a cool ep. grab the link out of title of this post.



flying towards sleep. looking out for potholes. waiting for the darker mornings, to see the octopus' ink.



laying in bed half asleep listening to number one breathe, he always sleeps loud even for a dog, trying to make sense of my fog, of the pre-sleep thoughts, of the rambling ideas on the 1000 television sets in my head. trying to put words to all of them, remembering the ideas of today, the challenges, well really, lack of. would a change help? i guess they all lack challenge after a while. don't confuse the two. success with whatever the other shit is. listening and watching the others who make it seem difficult, watch what they do and try not to become them. become something more, better in my own mind, better on my own terms, better than i thought i could be, because i am different from some, different for the right reasons or are they wrong? doesn't really matter, it's not about right and wrong, just the difference between the two.


i feel pretty relaxed, not that i shouldn't but i feel pretty good. it's darker on my way in, noticable to me, maybe it's all in my head but i feel like it's a bit darker. i like that. my fog is matched by the quiet light, until fall when i get the darkness back. excitement to have pre-dawn again.


i see the same little piece of uncoiled wire/cable on the path in the same spot. i wonder what it came off, what it was that made this piece lay on the path. it is about 10cm long and it sits there probably 10 pieces over about a kilometer of path. i look at the piece as i roll over it wondering what it was that left it there. i still won't stop to pick it up and look at it further, better to speculate and wonder.



i saw a dead snake on the road today, i don't have an irrational fear, i find them to be fascinating. yesterday i got in trouble for helping a customer and not a boss, wtf?! oh well idiots are everywhere, you don't need to be smart to move up in the world, just look at w. i'm feeling pretty good about it anyway, call it happily detached. life is good.



far away thoughts of sleep filled twilight wrestle me awake into an indigo fog. i miss the octopus.


good day

an amazing day with b, we swam then we walked around town, we played in the yard, just a couple of guys enjoying summer. naps. naps were the key to the good day. played hard in the a.m. played hard in the p.m. made possible with naps, for both of us.


firecracker 50

my first singlespeed race was what i wanted it to be. i thought for a while when i was singlespeeding to work all winter that i wouldn't race it, odd thought now that i have one in the can. it was great, 50 miles wasn't too far or that bad, i felt better afterward this year than i did last year after riding gears. i rode with the guy who "won" last year for a while and got a good gap on most of the other riders, i only saw one other rider after the first 5 minutes. we drilled it up boreas the whole way to the tank, wondering how many guys were going to be foolish enough to blow it that early. the singletrack way up high was every bit as fast on the single as on a geared bike, news to me; new to the single world. the other guy to stay near us on the initial climb passed me and i never saw him again, i saw the leader as he stopped to fix a flat later on, never to be seen again either. two pees, a sandwich and lots of gatorade got me finished in about 4 and a half hours, not a bad day for a singlespeed newbie. second place.



my own fog was thicker than the frail air i rode thru this morning. what little i could fathom from my sleep was that a fake-wake at 3.58 put alarm that i wouldn't be getting more than another 62 minutes. too well lit to be very interesting but no sunshine to brighten my sleep-riddled brain.



after reading gwadzilla's rant on road rage i felt good, happy that my friend was not hurt by some angry motorist and happy that perhaps my own anger isn't as out of control as it seems to get when i am crossed by a driver. i hate the whole us vs. them mentality, counter productive. yesterday i rolled a stop sign and a car going the opposite way, not turning mind you going the same direction-straight thru as i was called out to me that i hadn't come to a complete stop, i let it go, i nodded politely and pedaled on. not a word. not a gesture. i didn't get mad or say anything off-color back at them. maybe i'm mellowing in my old age, it felt good to ride on, i did roll thru it, i was wrong, but i didn't ask them if they had ever rolled a stop sign, if they had once not come to a complete stop.


sitting here getting ready for work eating saddam's favorite cereal; raisin bran crunch. b wasn't thrilled about sleeping in his bed last night-panic wake up at about 2.30 reminded me about a line from a song by belly "my dreams were so bad i had to throw my pillow away."



i don't really have many answers to a lot of the questions but i know bullshit when i hear/see it. i really need to get into this line of work, i think i would be outstanding in that capacity. this whole teambuilding, bonding line of crap. where are you going to take this beyond the getting out of work for a day? will i feel better about asking the higher ups who don't know shit about what i do day to day to help? or perhaps some will just ignore the problem and go about their day, why change, that sucks! wow, i just love the idea of getting together for a few hours in favor of work and then going back to work as though nothing happened. ah, whatever i got a free lunch out of it, but i know what they say about free lunches.



two really good days on the bike and some weird sightings along the front range. sunday was pretty good, no mtb for another week the road bike was the ticket. it still makes me smile how much ground you can cover on one. rolled out of boulder to get up to loveland, stopped by the new boulder cycle sport what a place! cool design, great bikes, amazing staff, tons of knowledge if you want to be fast, comfy and relaxed on a new bike. rolling out to the north the sky getting summer scary-lots of lightning and dark clouds just over the plains to the east, everytime the lightning would strike i'd start to reach for the phone as i looked around to see where my window of clear sky was heading. finally the waiting ended and i got lucky, just a bit downpour over the two hour ride. arriving safe and not fried was a relief. then monday was court, i had all the right documentation and it turned out all i needed was patience, they had the stuff i sent a few weeks ago, i just needed to show up and pay some money, not nearly as much i thought so that was pretty lucky! sitting there was pretty funny, chuckling at what playing in my ears (some new podcasts) and watching the people made the time go pretty fast, it was like a microscope on the underbelly of society, i gather mostly traffic violations, but i only talked to one guy and he was there for the same reason as me-no insurance card in the car-dumb!!! rolling away (i rode there) was a good feeling, knowing i wasn't wanted anymore and that it was going to be ok for me to drive was a relief. met up with rocco for a coffee over at the new whole paycheck and got to chill outside in the nice summer weather, fort collins really is a city now too, you can't ride on certain roads and others are just a major pain in the ass to get around on. getting from one side of town to the other sucked-it was like a cat IV crit, way too many slows and surges! shuabie and i got out for a cool (er, warm) afternoon ride in the foothills, saw the mini ponies, llamas, skunks, elk and sheep along the way-i'd love to have a farm and get to raise animals just for the sake of giving them a cool life, sort of like a pseudo-domesticated zoo, i don't like real zoos, i find them depressing- kept creatures that shouldn't be kept- you can see it in some of their eyes, they know.



strange days usually start with an odd sighting, nothing too out of the ordinary. today riding to work i saw dr. hotplate, man what a mess! i wondered if she would run to daylight and get an eggsandwich with scrapple and cheese. mmmmm, cornmeal makes the scrapple, at least that's what my friends said in college who ate the stuff. blue water to cap off the morning, good stuff.



food sometimes i think the ghost of brian the tapeworm lingers. i just don't feel right. i'll get to sleep ok then wake up in a random panic with no reason to be that way, fall asleep again as though nothing happened. my stomach will shake me awake and then fade into nothingness that is good sleep. maybe brian is there and is still pulling the strings?



i love to hear what people say when they hypothesize about what they would do with a million dollars, i would do nothing. just enjoy the fact. quit the job in a second, ride my bike and hang out with b and shaubie.



that's it, after today the days get shorter, a big part of my commute is going to go back where it belongs, in the dark. it's a slow path back to dark but it's a better morning ride in the dark. the octopus' ink colors my morning.



the wrist is still really gummy, four days on the road bike hurt it plenty, i can only imagine what a mtb ride would do. i may need to suspend the single to ride it the way i want. oh well, at least i can ride. i want to go skate but i need a big enough block of time to ride there as i can't drive, there's a warrant out for my arrest. it's not for anything serious, just a simple lack of license plate renewal and a missed court date and a skipped ticket. so i can't drive and i can ride but the wrist hurts, a lot. a flower pedal just fell off, that's kind of sad.



i have always wanted to be special, after seeing cool movies like unbreakable i wanted to be that guy. not the super hero type with obvious powers but the type who has a quiet strength. realizing that i am no more special than the next middle-aged schmuck is one of those aging process things. i am not so special, i get by on what i do, not what i have. semantics to some but if it works for why switch it up? i like that now, knowing i'm not going to be any thing out of ordinary except in my world, other worlds have their own stars, i just want to be one of the stars of my world, not the star, that would be too selfish. even for me.



i feel like crap, my leg is so locked up i can barely pedal, now i'm afraid i might throw something out of alignment and keep me from riding at all. i can't ride the mtb for a few weeks but the road machine is still there and available. but the muscle i pulled last night is haunting me. good ride tonight, the legs are coming around. i keep wondering when i will see the glimmer at the end of the rainbow, almost like there is a solution, you know that perfect equation, that ideal sequence of numbers, letters, answers. i search for it everyday. i know it's there, in the lists, in the papers, in the millions and billions of numbers and words and characters that bombard me everyday. it's there i just need to decipher, to figure out what the wheat looks like in all that chaff, i know it's not going to shine like diamond in all that crap, it's going to look like all the other shite, just a bit different from the rest. it's there.


i got the cast off today and i guess the doctor's plan worked out pretty well, the wrist isn't broken and the week in the cast gave it a head start on the healing. good soccer game tonight, minor muscle pull, not bad for an old guy. great ride down there from breck. good legs.

little victory

last night i got out on it, it was just one of those rides, the kind where everything works the way you want it to. even with a cast on the left arm. the power and motivation were there 100% just flying down the road. over 2 hours with a good bit of pace that took out a lot of the junk from monday night's soccer game. it was finally warm, almost 65 degrees and sunny made the ride feel that much better. now d-day is friday, or it could be surgery schedule day, we'll see.



sometimes i feel like my whole adult life has been an experiment in sleep deprivation. not that it is anyone's fault but my own but something always keeps me from getting sleep by about 45 minutes, add that over 16 years and you have one tired old puppy. maybe if i clean up my diet and go full organic my body will get more out of it's rest time and i can perhaps catch up over the next few months. not that that will really change much but it can't hurt. more than that it needs to be a whole philosophy change, not just "hey more sleep tonight" more like a disciplined approach. then perhaps i can converse with the octopus on his level by the time i get to see early sky.



our lack of diverse weather up here gave me a different appreciation for this morning's commute. the fog was amazing, it made the trees look like the they were touching the top of the sky, everything was reduced to a gray/black hue, kind of like one a b/w televison set showing an old horror movie. different from the octopus' colors the fog muted everything, keeping the stars farther away, and the colors out.



i need to figure out how to dress with this thing on my wrist. today was way too cold to roll without gloves and a proper undershirt, sleeves or something. i was dreading the descent as soon as i left home. a simple wind breaker isn't enough, i needed layers! i know i can find pieces to fit over it, but last night i was too tired to do it. it's only 10 days, there must be a way to get warm pieces to work. i don't want to ruin my nice stuff for just a few days.



i got up on time today, good legs on the longer commute, the bike felt pretty good even though the ache was there. my malaise faded into full on dread after i was told my wrist could require surgery to fix. a visit to the er and some xrays showed very little, a cast for a few weeks will hopfully heal it enough. i can still ride the road machine but no fat tires for a while.