What am I doing here? Mid way up the climb, the ferrous taste creeps further into my mouth from my throat as the climb kicks, and kicks me again. I know better, too many years of the pedals on my feet, I know what the equation looks like; go out, break a pile of dishes, try to eat as little as possible to put them back together-and repeat. Simple right? It's when the work ceases to be work, it's just part and parcel of the routine. I know I'm doing it and my competitors I think are doing it too, but who are they? Do they function on the fringes of the day? Lacking the door at noon to get the most work at the best time? Do they get to repeated black in the ledger? Is it even worth the effort? I don't know what ledger I'm scribbling black ink in but I do know what it takes to just get out the door. It's not just kitting up and walking to the garage. I think I would have grown bored with all of it by now if it was simpler.


A few days running around on wheels nearly in the dark the light has shone on the clear days. I don't know what the finished product is but the works are going to pay off at some point. I can't call it crystal clear yet, opening the blinds to see the hints of better things. Plenty of time in the wind, lots of it dead on. Easily the best days so far but that isn't saying much. Hours turn over easier right now. Hour 4 resembles hour 2 a month ago.


Lately training isn't really that. Riding can't always be training but training is always riding. The affect of hours in the saddle quiets the head, I'm one of those guys the one with headphones on while he rides. Not too loud the wind and cars are way louder than what I'm listening to. I have pedals that connect directly to my head. If they are turning it's all a little better a little slice of quiet that the cars, the wind and the ipod aren't offering. The inner monologue is really not too assuring, definitely defeatist and totally lacking in anything resembling certainty. I wouldn't want it any other way, if it was I would likely end up on the couch with a beer watching team sports instead of taking care of the rest.



I left work in a hail, graupel rainstorm, 1/2 way thru the ride was sunny only to get near home and have more snow or some other shit. The highlight was the 10 cars behind a black sedan being driven by a woman who either had a breakdown mentally or physically. The car was bucking at the stop sign as I rode thru and the oh-so-patient and sympathetic people behind her were laying on their horns. It brought a smile to my face. I love people!


Good Morning

I'm a little out of sorts but the general feeling of a vacation still doesn't entirely agree with me, maybe I can find a bike and ride up a volcano or something. It's weird to be without kids or a bike.



Hoping the 2nd half of whatever you call the last bits of winter (yeah, winter, it snowed yesterday) before spring or maybe we skip right to summer offers health and miles. Sickness is for the weak, Speed and Tempo make for better results. We'll what kind of work can be done over a week away.


The a.m.

I managed to get a great little case of Bronchitis. Hooray! I know now what it feels like to breathe through a straw for 4 days. Finally a little light is peeking out at the end of the tunnel. I just hope it's not a freight train coming the other way.



There is very little putting the internal dialogue on mute right now. I would call it disquieting, good things on the plate but good things left behind. The overwhelming sense of mortality creeps up and tackles me. I don't think I ever had that young, invincible feeling, I think I knew...it's going to be quick, enjoy it while you can. A big treat isn't such a treat if you don't take it.



Keeping track of everything I could, I thought I had it lined up, I missed one and a little cold snuck into the system, first time being sick since the summer. Being weakened by the bug, taking away the time on the bike. This week up high, next week at sea level if the legs and system allow.
Once again jumping thru the windows the weather, the body and the family form.