we had our final soccer game last night, we lost. not that it was so different form our other games, we only won two of 7. i was moving the ball across the field when i was challenged by a guy, in the process i stumbled over the ball, not b/c of him but b/c i'm clumsy. the ref blew the whistle for a free kick for me, i said to the guy who tackled me and was called for the foul "i tripped over the ball" he got all bent wanted to hit me! WTF!!! i said to him again that it shouldn't have been a foul but perhaps i should have spoken monosylabically b/c again he was clueless, i let it go but then later on he was kicking my ankles as i dribbled the ball down field. to finish his own show of idiocy after the game, that his team won, he wouldn't shake my hand, leave it on the pitch. what a jackass! oh well, i got to ride there and most of the way home, the bike always makes it better.
looking for the keys to my locker, trying to figure out what to do with them if i find them. the right thing to eat and the right time to eat it. seeing the same weird-looking guy wandering down the trail, wondering if he's lost or just wandering? who knows? probably not even him. the horseshit still makes me mad. would the equestrians mind if i left a big steaming pile of morning crap in the middle of the trail? i think so, yeah, i'm pretty sure.
i still wonder why people who ride horses can't clean up the horseshit that the equines leave behind. b and i went to the river today to throw rocks (an almost everyday thing for us) and there were ants crawling all over me before i even knew it. that was about 11 am, i'm still itchy. good to be out on the path tonight, nobody out there, one ground squirrel but i didn't run him over, he was already squished when i got there, really is it that hard? can you not avoid small creatures going about their day? wtf? i know it's asking a lot, but a little consideration could go a long way here.
a late evening mtb ride last night with friends turned into a rainy cruise on some of the best trails we have close to town. lucky i wore wool or else i would have been cold. it got dark all at once, the trees hiding the falling rain for a bit. coming out of the woods into a downpour was the perfect way to end a great little ride. undressing on the porch, a quick shower and i never really got cold, wool is good.
i like the halos i see around lights when i wake up, maybe it's good sleep, maybe it's the eyes adjusting to the new day, they seem a bit different every time. the light falls a bit different if you can take a second look to look at it. happily i don't need to see the halo to see a difference.
it's not that i feel bad about it, because i don't. it's odd, the guy saw me riding towards the intersection he was riding towards and we both were on bikes, (he had a stop sign) was i supposed to swerve into traffic to make more room for him so he wouldn't have to stop? he had enough room but was going too fast to make the turn and not get hit. so he locked up his back wheel as he made the beginning of his turn and the totally lost it, sliding in a little spiral. a quick "you ok?" was i all i gave as i continued on to work. clown.
blue water surprise, another day with cool stuff going on all around, absolutely clarity is lost without the keys to the cabinet. what happens when the keys are lost, does the ink run clear, the writing go away? the darker mornings make it clear that the fall isn't far off, thoughts of cool morning rides thru town for coffee, dark beans roasted to perfection, some quiet belgian coffee shop getting ready for the day the way they have for a hundred years. waiting for the mid day effort.
every night i read a book or two to b before he goes off to sleep. usually i am the second reader of the night, shaubie starts off and i get to finish. he enjoys the books and has also figured out that asking us to read more books pushes sleeptime back a bit. there is a line in where the wild things are that goes:
and the walls became the world all aroundhow cool is that, what imagination. written by maurice sendak, i think first in french then translated to english.
another chance to see the sky getting darker, getting dressed for the commute in the dark and finding my cereal bowl and milk without too much light reminds me of the darkest mornings in winter. it makes me feel a little more adjustable, not real sure if i am but that's the way it feels. i like that. great to be out on the bike traveling across at 5.15, nobody out there, that's the best. no bears this morning in the hood to startle. i would make a nice little snack for him. the brown bear in my backyard on monday morning would certainly enjoy some fresh food. it feels good to not be at the top of the food chain, like riding the roads on a bike, definitely not at the top of the food chain there either.
laying in bed half asleep listening to number one breathe, he always sleeps loud even for a dog, trying to make sense of my fog, of the pre-sleep thoughts, of the rambling ideas on the 1000 television sets in my head. trying to put words to all of them, remembering the ideas of today, the challenges, well really, lack of. would a change help? i guess they all lack challenge after a while. don't confuse the two. success with whatever the other shit is. listening and watching the others who make it seem difficult, watch what they do and try not to become them. become something more, better in my own mind, better on my own terms, better than i thought i could be, because i am different from some, different for the right reasons or are they wrong? doesn't really matter, it's not about right and wrong, just the difference between the two.
i feel pretty relaxed, not that i shouldn't but i feel pretty good. it's darker on my way in, noticable to me, maybe it's all in my head but i feel like it's a bit darker. i like that. my fog is matched by the quiet light, until fall when i get the darkness back. excitement to have pre-dawn again.
i see the same little piece of uncoiled wire/cable on the path in the same spot. i wonder what it came off, what it was that made this piece lay on the path. it is about 10cm long and it sits there probably 10 pieces over about a kilometer of path. i look at the piece as i roll over it wondering what it was that left it there. i still won't stop to pick it up and look at it further, better to speculate and wonder.
i saw a dead snake on the road today, i don't have an irrational fear, i find them to be fascinating. yesterday i got in trouble for helping a customer and not a boss, wtf?! oh well idiots are everywhere, you don't need to be smart to move up in the world, just look at w. i'm feeling pretty good about it anyway, call it happily detached. life is good.
my first singlespeed race was what i wanted it to be. i thought for a while when i was singlespeeding to work all winter that i wouldn't race it, odd thought now that i have one in the can. it was great, 50 miles wasn't too far or that bad, i felt better afterward this year than i did last year after riding gears. i rode with the guy who "won" last year for a while and got a good gap on most of the other riders, i only saw one other rider after the first 5 minutes. we drilled it up boreas the whole way to the tank, wondering how many guys were going to be foolish enough to blow it that early. the singletrack way up high was every bit as fast on the single as on a geared bike, news to me; new to the single world. the other guy to stay near us on the initial climb passed me and i never saw him again, i saw the leader as he stopped to fix a flat later on, never to be seen again either. two pees, a sandwich and lots of gatorade got me finished in about 4 and a half hours, not a bad day for a singlespeed newbie. second place.
my own fog was thicker than the frail air i rode thru this morning. what little i could fathom from my sleep was that a fake-wake at 3.58 put alarm that i wouldn't be getting more than another 62 minutes. too well lit to be very interesting but no sunshine to brighten my sleep-riddled brain.