Thank you for letting me ride up and down, thank you letting me get out and get my fix, thank you for letting the world not conspire against me, thank you for finally getting the bugs out, thank you for the silence, thank you for the music, thank you for letting me remain a little masochistic.
You have to respect people who take something that means the utmost to them to the furthest point. Athletes at the highest level push beyond the limit where most people will stop. Clearly there are more examples but I try not to delve too far into religion here, though I do wonder why there are no windows in the Kingdom Hall for the Jehovah Witness? Turning yourself inside out for your sport is good, maybe riding too far or too hard or trying that one trick you just couldn't stick on the coping, slamming time and again and not giving up, passion. Hawk, Hamilton & others get to that place pretty often.
So we are walking around Telluride, what once was a cool little hippie/ski bum town that is now ruined by rich people. They have a “free box” for which locals and others may leave clothing, shoes and such that is better used by someone else. Well, these two ladies roll up in a new Volvo and start perusing the freebox, not making a donation but making a shopping visit. Walking past and watching this kind of made me angry, why in hell were these women looking for used stuff? Were they having trouble making that car payment? Were they worried how they were going to furnish that fourth home they just bought? I hate the rich, not because they have and I don’t, but because of the conspicuous consumption of most. Looking around this valley and seeing the 6000+ square foot homes that maybe see a weeks worth of use a year and the resources squandered to make them puts me off. I wish that they could make do with a cabin on 3 acres and allow others to do the same. Solitude can be found, but why look for it within the confines of your cavernous “mountain home” you get to once a year. Look in the woods on the peaks in the meadows that are still estate free. Instead what were once cool wildflower-filled meadows are dotted with McMansions with forced Kentucky Bluegrass that uses too much water, requiring mowing that uses too much gas, paying itinerant workers too little to do the groundskeeping. Sustainable? I think not. Eat the rich, a new view on Jonathan Swift’s solution to the famine in the UK centuries ago, instead of eating the children as Swift proposed, lets eat the rich. More later
Odd, I wake up some mornings and it seems as though I barely slept and I need to hit the restart button. Today was one of those, my eyes were so closed that when B needed his milk I had to pry my eyes open. I was awake with my eyes closed. Getting in I needed more fuel than the two pounds of sugar that is a bearclaw. Mikey made me a wonderful egg sandwich, nothing like a real breakfast before 6 a.m. The sickness and ague that has haunted me all summer seems to be fading, cross will be good, the motivation is there. Riding the bike has never been so fun as it is now. The voices aren't saying a whole lot. I give them a chance to talk and they keep quiet. It really is nice. A little more sleep and I think they'll be gone for a while.
Today started out really well, it was really dark on the way in but I made it in clean, with a Bearclaw, thank you Daylight Donuts! Hard to beat getting a big donut at 5.20 in the a.m. The work day was good, the new soles showed up for my Sidis and I was really excited to get them on. I went to the bank and to do recycling for work and in a moment of stupidity I put the soles in the recycling box, dumped it in the huge bin at the recycling center and didn't remember until three hours later. Bam, 50 bucks down the drain. The day ended well, Doug and I went for a great ride on the trails above the house. The sun going down the trails were perfect, the orange light bleeding through the aspen trees that are lowly thinning, at dusk the trails are so well defined that you get a different view on your home trails.
I wonder what it takes to get to that place. The one where it all makes sense. Nothing is in doubt, nothing is out of place, not in an OCD kind of out of place but in a real metaphysical, a place for it all place. I look for it and at times seem to approach it, am I ahead of the game? Am I just pretending to feel that it all fits? Am I looking where the mess is not? I would like to think (obviously) that I am going in the right direction, that it is in place and that I am not sticking my head in the sand. Idealistic, yep, solipsistic, at times but I like what I see in the reflection, most of the time.
The flume was everything I thought it would be, perfect singletrack for about 4 miles a bit wet and loamy, with slight changes in elevation all the way to Georgia Pass Road. The Colorado Trail off of Georgia Pass Road as usual was some of the best riding I have ever found. The little bit of rain and sleet and graupel we had made the trail even better, high speed rolling sections with great traction, perfect! No flats or mechanicals, a great day.
I wrote this last year in November and remembered how good it made me feel to write, I dug it out of the archive section and thought I would post again for a new look on an old piece. 11/7/2003 Lost in the supermarket I made it in early over snow covered roads and dirt that were not as slick as yesterday, the crossbike didn't even slip once. I got a good ride afterwork to open up the legs. The snow was blowing a bit and the peaks looked beautiful snowcovered, the ski area even looked good. The grocery on the way home was a challenge, the bike geek coustume a week after halloween was an attention getter in the aisles. The pack, the suit, everything was a source of entertainment for my fellow shoppers. The whole time I had The Clash song playing in my head "I'm all lost in the supermarket, I can no longer shop happily" I saw an old boss who I really didn't have anything to say to, she got me fired for some reason that I won't bore anyone with, but when I saw her a few months ago she acted like we were old friends, I try not to have anger towards anyone but some people get me going. Meanwhile I'm thinking Clash and enjoying the song in my head (no portable music today) while I shop. Finally I filled my list and got the hell out of the store and back into my pleasant little two-wheeled world for the ride home. Enjoy the music: I'm all lost in the supermarket I can no longer shop happily I came in here for that special offer I guaranteed personality I wasn't born so much as I fell out Nobody seemed to notice me We had a hedge back home in the suburbs Over which I never could see I heard the people who lived on the ceiling Scream and fight most scarily Hearing that noise was my first ever feeling That's how it's been all around me
I saw a guy yesterday as I was riding home who had iridescent white hair, it was wild. Tomorrow we are exploring, a so-called secret flume out to Georgia Pass from Humbug Hill through American Gulch, I'm very excited, all afternoon I was consulting maps and looking to see where it goes. On the maps it looks like it might hug contour lines for about 5 miles. Dumping you out in the middle of nowhere! I may try to get the guys to go towards Kenosha and ride the Jefferson Trail back into the CT. Very cool stuff.
I try not to blog unless I have something to say. It can become all too easy to just login and say nothing. Although the three people who read this no doubt will agree that I frequently say nothing. The weather is pretty nasty right now, I wish the Pilots the best of luck on the journey and look forward to seeing them tonight, my jealousy for their opportunity to do this ride is only eclipsed by my own self-preservation, bad weather and high altitude don't mix very well with bicycles. Something about riding a lightning rod above treeline in a storm. The trick to it is get out and enjoy what you have, it doesn't have to be a ten day epic, although that would be nice, but it can be the singletrack in your local park, as long as you enjoy it!
Is that the class you had after Algebra? Anyway I feel better than I thought I would following the Crest. I even played tennis yesterday, it was so much fun, I can actually hit the ball with some consistency. My one casualty of the Crest was a blown fork on the geared bike. I'm on the single or the geared bike properly rigid. I love it, it's a perfect dichotomy; geared/rigid or single/fork. Cool A.M. ride above the house on the ridge, suffered through on the single, good legs-lousy body, tennis hurts! The single is beginning to feel more like home. The voices are quiet these days, I think that my new variety and medium volume is working to my advantage. I didn't ride with iPod today, so I could hear whatever was out there, or, in there. it was very quiet, I was hoping to see the bear Shaubie keeps thinking is watching her when she runs. Checkout this link for a cool little movie, if you don't find yourself moving to avoid the cars as you watch it I would like to hear about it, I couldn't sit still watching it! http://www.stevencaddy.com/bikevideo/NYC-race.mpg
The prep work involved for our little one day epic was just enough for how the ride went, as it was my first time riding it I was ready for something a bit more serious than it actually was. I thought it was going to have a lot more sharp descending. Instead it had a lot of medium climbing and smooth rollie stuff. While riding it I thought about my home trails and how similar and how different this ride was from the stuff out my door. I really liked how it was sustained riding and no roads to breakup the flow, maybe someday I should do the CT and see just what sustained riding is! Three hours of ride time for a 35 mile mtb ride without really trying to go fast, just riding for the sake of riding and not pushing. I enjoyed riding away from the group and just getting lost in my own flow and seeing just how focused I could get on what my bike and body was doing. Some really unique sections with cool views that I wanted to shoot but when the thunder rolled in I was more into getting away from an exposed ridge area than shooting a cool pic.
I had a really good day yesterday. Work wasn't that bad, I ate well and the ride was just enough. The job didn't grind at me the way it sometimes can. Rolling through the woods enjoying the trees and shelter I got to think about how lucky I am. The solitude so easily found living here. Picking my way up the trail listening to the bike, the body, and the music I was in my church and the Reverend was preaching the Gospel. It got up and down just in time. A great way to live! Turkey burgers and salad, excellent!
Everything got better today, yesterday was a victory and then today just put it all into perspective. I saw the coolest shooting star almost right overhead on my way to work. It finally burned up no more than 100 meters off the ground. Seeing that makes the day look better, makes all the stuff go away. I like to think about how far that meteor travelled and how fast it moved across space to burn up just over my head at 5.25 am.
I get worried sometimes, the voices creep in and when they aren't mocking me I get worried. They make me reconsider and over analyze the littlest thing. I question everything. It consumes me, and then after it passes I feel ok, a little more normal, though still skeptical. I get on the bike and it all melts away. Therapy? I think it has two wheels.
I was lucky last night, great ride, great weather and I got to see The Lizard. The Lizard is a log that is on the side of one of my frequent rides, it's not too obvious but as long as I have ridden this section I have always noticed it. I call it the "Lizard Log." He stares right out at me when I roll past, taunting me and laughing at my foolish pursuit in his snide reptilian way. The joke's on him, I have moved in the past 9 years and he has remained in the same spot, perhaps longer than that. It doesn't stop him from peeking out and chuckling at my crash near him four years ago and reminding me of that or telling me to slow down through "his" section. I never stop and talk back, he knows what I'm thinking, he knows what I'm doing.
I listened yeterday. After a week of being sick, a few days of good work on the bike I took a day. I was just tired, needed a break. I feel really strong right now, te crud is gone and the bugs are at bay. I'm reluctant to stray from the path I have been on. Eating a lot, and resting well. I hated last week, it really sucked, not knowing what was ailing me and it kept lingering, now I feel like 50 bucks. I listened to Radiohead today on the way into work. Thom really knows how to do it. The subtle layers of music going into and out of the the last and striking out on their own are certainly a good ride music. With the good headphones again I can enjoy my dark little ride to work in peace, less wind in my ears and more Radiohead.
A group actually showed up for the Tuesday ride. The day before an mtb race and there actually were more than two people. Good speed work out to the turnaround and then a great climb u pthree peaks to get the legs and hear going. After a whole week off I was excited to climb over the top with the leader who set a wicked pace the way. He shelled out everyone else so I guess I recovered well from the crud. Maybe 4 hours wasn't a great idea for the first day back but it was a good day, no lightning to dodge and no voices to answer. After the girl getting hit and killed on Sunday I'm more aware of how dangerous it can be. The voices say well, the odds of it happening again are slim but...
So they didn't really talk to me for a while. I was too far under a cloud of low-electrolytes, less than ideal rest and well, vomit. I could ignore the random remark and they just avoided taking the effort to find me. I liked it, nothing to answer to, nothing to justify, a quiet head, I can't really remember the last time I had a quiet head. The worry internally was there, not any other interference. I like that. I worked hard to get the rest and they left me alone for a few days. No criticism of my next or prior move, no witicisms of what happened, just a great big silence, it was deafening.
I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I have had a few good days after being in the tank for a few days, now I know what I have to do, rest! The list of the last week isn't pretty, all the vague signs that you have something, vague in what that is, not that they are vague signs. We all know the list: Vomit Nausea Weird body stuff Crap