pillows

if i lay a certain way on my really nice pillow (not the crappy hug pillow) i can hear my pulse in my ear. i think it's the weird little appendage that sticks out midway up the ear. remember the poe story the tell tale heart? my once monthly bout of no sleep, spears of light go thru my head, preventing rest and getting sharp imaginary pains inside my brain way behind my eyes. no real explanation other than i need sleep but just can't find it. i'm tired, i want to be there but i can't go. the light reminds me of a fluorescent bulb that's opaque, except silent. no noise. it's beautiful in it's own way, if it didn't keep me awake i'd really like it.