I wonder sometimes what it would be like to put it away for a while, no real regimen or pressure to put together results. Having never been a real "PRO" it's been easier to get through bad seasons, knowing I wasn't letting a sponsor down (one where I'm catching a check), sometimes though I think it's worse, inward pressure. Enjoying my expectations, Ari Gold would say "Manage your client's expectations" I'm my own client and worst critic. It gets hard to be happy with anything less than a stellar result. But that's not always a result that quantifies my effort or skill or commitment. Recently it's been less about results and more about the process, whatever it was; road, mtb or Cross. It wasn't always a work ethic, it was an escape but now it is about getting out to do the work, the process of maximizing my time. Not just "going for a ride" but making that ride count because of all of the things that are being put on hold so I can do it. the thought of not doing this and putting in the time wakes me up at night, the idea of not living my pseudo-institutional life is confusing. How else would I avoid that donut or that extra helping, what would I do to take up this block of time that makes my head quiet(er)? It's this process that I love and respect, getting out of it would only succeed in trying to get back in it. I really enjoy my life as it is. It puts a smile on my face as I get to pedal, no matter what is under me and what it is keeps me warm. Inside my little cocoon I get to move around enough, and maybe on Sunday I will go the Bakery. The last one is tomorrow, at least the one I have on my radar. For now. At least in the next week or two. Unless someone schedules more cyclo-cross meetings.

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