Visit

I went to that place yesterday. You know the one, where everything is labored and your body, well, your whole system is on the verge of shut down. I hadn't been there in a while, decided it was time to go back. Whether I was welcome there or not I'm still not sure. Though I hope to get back there sometime soon. I like going there, it's been an important place for me to go nearly my whole adult life, though I wasn't welcome there yesterday. I like the idea of seeing the old friends, seeing what it is that makes my head go. I like the subtle dulling, the intense focus the dulling brings about. It all fades into a blur outside that little scope, tunnel-vision. The thoughts fade into the blur and the scope narrows when it gets more intense, no room for error, no room for distraction. I like going there, it makes me feel good to be alive and dead when it's over. I just wasn't allowed in yesterday. When it was over I was crestfallen, I left before it was done, I could have stayed on the outside but if I can't be right in the middle (front) I don't really want to be there.