Thank you

I want to thank whoever put the map where it is.

Whoever has the control of the sky, for making it clear today.

Didn't pave every road in Boulder County.

Clean and also dirty, the way it should be.

Break

I have the weight of the winter fading and spring is getting closer.

Little chunks of goodness are getting pushed out of the slush, the ice still wants to grab my feet, wheels,

Anything it can to get a hold and pull me down.

List

Sometimes I get a little off balance, the food, the training, oh yeah, family stuff. Shift it all to one side and the ship lists, keep it all in the middle and hopefully I don't go under water. Food as a metaphor; good stuff in good stuff out, the 2 times weekly candy may fix short term, but long run? Dicey, at best. Maybe I should switch 100% to Clif Bars, less guilt, but that takes away my best training tool. Oddly this shit show isn't getting harder to produce, easier in some ways. I just need to carve out of my block my own little sculpture, all it takes is time and all it costs is calories.

Up Stream

I feel pretty uneasy today, not sure why, it's this odd sinking feeling. Like I'm only treading water and at any point the current could pull me under. Like I missed something major, not quite sure what it is that's haunting me but I know where it lingers and what it does. Maybe fatigue is playing tricks with my head. The next thing to get done is just out of reach. I don't entirely mind, I have the lines in my head; the intersections mapped out enough to give me a few minutes of pause each time I arrive at the next. The nervouse energy is channeled elsewhere and needs to end up on the pedals or on the skis. Nothing else.

Squeeze

On the left and the right it gets tighter all the time. I'd like the bike and the skis to come with a tool kit to carve out more time. A special implement that gave an hour or more but worked. Kept the sides clean and the middle clear.

Afterglow

At some point this week I will fall off the wagon and eat really bad food. As the time and intensity piles up the blow off valve in a nasty sandwich. My own way of making sure I'm nothing more than a club cyclist, though one who works his ass off to be thoroughly mediocre.

3am

Early up before I want to have my eyes open and I can see that sleep right now, today, is done. I love this piece of graffiti, I may have posted it before, but it cracks me up.

A clear head can take so much off the plate, more and better sleep can result. I lack all of that. I want to slow down, more. Take steps one at a time. Training and family keeps that flow, balance and clarity, nothing else offers it. Success is there, slow and quiet.

Soft

Somehow I managed to cram it in. The only casualty; my toes. I'm soft.

Sunset

Before the ride I was a barely a 6, after a solid 6.5, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Red Days

I want to find this spot. Until then I hope to fill in the holes that Winter digs. The air is a little bit fresher, less biting as I step out in to the morning chill. I smile inside as the air wakes me a bit more, the first pedal stroke opens the lungs and pushes home the point that I'm not there. The espresso taste barely

lingering as the embrocation dominates my frozen nose wafting up through my jersey and jacket.

Going without is key this time of year, if the kms aren't getting put away neither should the extra helping. Skeptical of every bite and every pedal stroke and every push on the skis. My balance sheet teeters into the black most days making me long for the red days. The red makes me feel like an athlete, I'm not, but at least I feel like one. Red days when you go to bed not full, but tired and happy that you did the work that day. Crisp sore muscles and sleep that is there before you even lay down. My own institutional living, Having spent about 15 years getting to this place has left me with a pretty good idea of how things need to be, change is ok, maybe sometimes it's even good. A little bit of quiet time adds the opportunity for the red days. You know when you have one. You can't lie to yourself, it only makes you slow(er). Get your shit together, put in the time, no substitutes, that would be cheating. No news, only rehashing what worked last year. Do you need that doughnut? What about the extra splash cream in your coffee? Ask the questions because in July that climb is going to be longer you think it is, the shit in your legs isn't there by accident.