There's a gorilla standing over me, not quite 400 pounds but pretty close. I feel his presence and wonder if I can outride, outski, outrun him. Nevermind that if I sit down he steps back. I did that yesterday, at the end of a nice mid-day ride I sat down and drank a coffee, solo,weird, the feeling was sensory overload, I didn't know what to do, it was like a 10 minute vacation, a few hours on the bike and the coffee melted away and then blew up in my face. Unable to really enjoy the moment I felt uneasy, I was cheating, not pedaling, not working, not doing what I should, but what was that? I took a break, and made a lot of it. I'll do more of that, I just don't want to waste the legs, the bike, the skis, the time in vain. I hate losing.