The whole time

How big is your bubble? When do you think it's going to pop? Are you functioning in an ever expanding, dense fog? Often the fog gets confused with the dark, the rare moment of clarity short lived. Suffering at 5 am for an ethereal, not yet determined goal; other than the obvious (trying to put the sand back into the top of the glass) gets heady when the only friends there are the bears and the darkness. My head wanders, thoughts go far and wide as the calendar sheets pass under me. One certainty that is unavoidable, one thing you can't escape, even if you are gifted, one of the fast ones, a club I flirt with yet can't hang. Instead it all goes in, the early rides and the constant thought, races are great but the work is where the clock stops, 5 am at 41 feels the same as 5 am at 16. I've been in the dark the whole time.